Here’s a new song with an old melody you may wish to incorporate in your ceremony or reception.
Marriage Isn’t For You
Seth Adam Smith / 2 days ago November 2, 2013
Kim and I
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
Marriage is about family.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
It sounds like a good idea
At first glance the idea of saving $800 on music for your wedding reception sounds like a good idea. After all how hard can it be? I’ll save the cost of a professional DJ & just use my own iPod. I’ve got all my favorite music on my iPod. All I need to do is plug in some speakers & I’m good to go.
In this financially challenging times, saving money by using some of today’s technology, can be a tempting proposition. Many people now even have large music libraries that they listen to on a daily basis even on their smartphones. Before you make an important decision like this, it is a good idea to think this through a little more in detail. Very few people have an understanding of what is needed in terms of equipment, music library & the knowledge of how to put all these things together.
A closer look
If you’ve gone to other receptions, you may have had the all too common experience of a bad DJ service. Perhaps the music was too loud. Perhaps he didn’t know how to mix the music right & the dance floor cleared after every song. Maybe you couldn’t understand what he said on the mic. Maybe it all looked like they just loaded some speakers & stuff from their living room & stuck it on a table. Without experiencing a quality DJ service, it is tempting to think, “I could do better than that!”
If you go ahead with providing your own entertainment, here are some things to think about. Who is going to program the music? Do you own professional quality equipment that is capable of producing high quality sound at the appropriate & necessary volumes? Professional equipment like this can cost over $10,000. Who’s going to set up the music system? Who’s going to operate it? Who’s going to take it down? Who’s going to adjust the volume between the different song levels? Who owns professional lights to visually stimulate dancing? Since you don’t have everybody’s favorite music, who does?
What a Good DJ brings to your event
When you look back on your “perfect” wedding reception, you’ll reflect on fun that you & your guests had with the right entertainment. Sure there are many elements that contribute to the joy of the celebration, but the entertainment is vital to the expression of joy your guests will wish to share with you.
A good DJ service, will have all of the following:
- Professional sound equipment that will sound GREAT!
- Professional lighting that will add a visual expression to the music
- A complete music library to satisfy all of your guests
- A professional appearance
- The ability to interact with not only the bride & groom but all the guests
- The talent to mix the music to keep the dance floor filled from the 1st dance to the last song of the evening.
- Do all the work from planning, arranging, set up, take down & operation of the music, so as to cause no stress for the couple & their guests
- The ability to pull of these things together
When you think of all that a good DJ will do for you, $800 is money well spent!